Alice Springs, Friday: Centrebet have battened down the hatches after a flood of money poured across the Tasman after offering a record 960 billion to 1 about New Zealand's chances in the upcoming Rugby League World Cup.

The odds have since been slashed to 33 billion to one.

Centrebet have also taken an unprecedented amount of money from Fijians after offering 420 trillion to 1 about the Kumuls in the Rugby League World Cup.

ARU Boss Hits Back at Critics of Bundy Sponsorship

Sydney, Thursday: Reacting to criticism that new sponsor Bundaberg Rum wasn't promoting a healthy image of Australian Rugby to youngsters, ARU boss John O'Neill said drinking Bundy Rum was as rich part of Rugby's grassroots heritage as leather patches, bumbling old port-addled duffers and private schoolboys exploring their burgeoning sexuality with one another.

"Like smoking skunk, snorting coke and wrapping a belt around your arm and launching a massive chunk of horse into yourself, drinking Bundy Rum is an integral part of an afternoon at the rugby."

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"…yeah, so that's how I keep my beard so tight." - New Wallaby vice-captain Daniel Herbert offers some grooming advice to a Bundy suit from the Bob Katter school of Queensland manliness.

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"Aussie men are cool and buy things from dstore.com." -- Tatiana Gregorieva.

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London, Tuesday: Dual Olympic gold medal-winning hockey coach Ric Charlesworth is one of many mooted to take over the top job in English football vacated recently by Kevin Keegan.

With continual failure the hallmark of most English performances the FA have decided to scrap old-time thinking by appointing someone who knows nothing about soccer, or losing.

Carl Rackemann another surprise front-runner…

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The English FA were impressed with the dogged and stubborn approach George Piggins has been showing in the Bring Back Souths war as someone who won't give up on that cause just might have the single-minded stupidity to flog the stuffing from the minced horse meat that is the England soccer team.

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Australia wins international series after getting edge over Ireland
AUSTRALIA: 0.5.5 2.10.5 2.12.8 2.15.11 (68)
IRELAND: 0.2.0 1.4.1 1.8.5 1.12.9 (51)
Dublin, Sunday: Australia turned in a superb performance to take out the International Rules football series against Ireland at Croke Park on Sunday.

The series left Rugby League administrators with egg on their faces after sports called 'Australian Rules' and 'Gaelic Football' were able to organise a more credible international series than the forthcoming World Cup involving 16 countries.

"It was a bloody good win," said skipper James Hird of the Australian victory the Irish recently in the 2-test series of hybrid Gaelic and Australian Rule football. "Because no-one knew  what the fuck was going on."

Competition for Reuters

(Thanks to Stumper from London and Habil Berenis from Lithuania).

Lietuvos Rytas, 20/8/00: "I was depressed," Habil Berenis explained to reporters from his hospital bed in Siauliai, Lithuania, "and had been thinking about suicide for months.

"I'd been planning to shoot myself with a bullet that I bought from Soviet troops, many years ago, only I didn't have a gun. But last night, while I was drinking, I suddenly realised how to do it."

"I stood the bullet upright in a frying pan, then turned the heat on full, and leaned my head over the stove. Then I shut my eyes and waited for the bullet to explode and kill me.

"It seemed to take a very long time, and I think I must have fallen asleep with my mouth open.

"Suddenly, I heard a huge bang and felt a pain in my cheek, and I realised the bullet had finally detonated."

"Doctors say it went in through my open mouth and out through my cheek, leaving a large hole, but it missed my jaw and brain altogether. Apparently, I'm lucky to be alive."

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The Indian Times, Friday 21/9/2000. "IOC President Juan Antonio Samaranch (L) and an unidentified official watch the judo preliminaries at the Olympics."

TOKYO, Oct 16 (Reuters) - A Japanese marathon star who won Olympic Gold in Sydney got a crucial extra buzz by drinking the stomach juice of giant, killer hornets.

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