Greetings Skinkophiles.

Well, the Orgy is over, the back-slapping is (slowly) abating, and the appeal of drunken swimmers from Senegal is waning amongst the white-booted chicks in Parramatta Leagues Club. The real world has raised it's fetid head from the swamp of it's own arse again.

Isn't that hideous. Who writes this shit?

Anyway, indulge us as we pore over the embers of the last few weeks and get to the root of the big issues, missed by Channel Sevens' charisma machines Welch, Whitney, Morphett, Boyle, Cometti, Baildon, et al. However did we survive them.

Regards, Ed.

Pole vaulting, our new national sport. Surely after Tatiana's magnificent and unprecedented Olympic success it's time for the government to pour the necessary billions into the development of this wonderful and exciting new sport. The Russian Steppes would be a good place to setup the AIS with a permanent recruitment officer on hand enticing young athletic blonde Russian chicks with pictures of Bondi and koalas and US dollars.  On top of that, we need a relaxing--indeed a dispensation! - of the ridiculous and draconion immigration laws as they apply to tall long-legged extremely lickable blonde chicks from Belarus. Let's also open trade negotiations with Russia. We'll supply the bread and uranium, they send over more of their women.

100 tunes from the Js.

"Aussie men are cool and buy things from dstore.com." -- Tatiana Gregorieva.

Nintendo--Get more from your TV.

Nandrolone Present In Many Things: Hunter

Los Angeles, Friday: Disgraced shot-putter CJ Hunter has stated that traces of the banned performance-enhancing steroid Nandrolone found in his urine were caused by everyday foods such as fruit, bread and cereals.

When pressed however he did admit that the foodstuffs needed to be injected with massive quantities of the drug in order for that to be the case.

Still, I'm innocent! - CJ...

Advertise for Adidas. You know it makes sense.

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six. (N64) Lead an elite group of multinationals against the forces of terrorism.

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Buy this watch and you'll get laid. It will make you cool.

Haven't got a Sony Playstation? You poor, lifeless creature. A whole world of couch-sitting , drug-taking, pizza-eating awaits!

1. Dream Teamer and dunk specialist Vince Carter has a website where his adoring acolytes acknowledge their admiration for Vince in Message Boards. Somehow the young Seppo children bumped into The Skink on their web surfing travels. Read their bewilderment at our Issue 24 handling of the pre-Games Gaze-Carter scrap by clicking here...

MOST OLYMPIC SPORTS CONSIGNED TO 4 YEAR DUSTBUN OF PUBLIC APATHY

Barcelona, Sunday: Rowing, archery and diving are among many sports for whom the end of the Olympics means 4 more years of obscurity in the Australian sporting consciousness.

IOC President Juan Antonio Samaranch, looking to further ingratiate himself with an Australian public that took him to heart following the death of his wife, said: 

"And good riddance to that boring shit. Who gives a fuck about shooting? Who gives a fuck about diving? Archery? Are you kidding me? Simon Fairweather might get a few free feeds with his gold medal but until he's won the Norm Smith medal for Best on Ground in a Grand Final he'll need to do a lot more to impresss this possum-headed little fascist."

"Fair dinkum no shit, mate," he added.

A proud moment for Spain and Juan Antonio Samaranch as Fascist leader Franco accepts his pledge to the be the very best sports minister he can be. Dib dib dob. And didn't the Australian sporting public forgive the little fellah, especially after his missus carked it. Here's a teaser for you: If Kevan Gosper's wife had died would we have taken him to our hearts like we did little Juany? Tough question, and one surely pertinent to a Mike Munro-hosted Current Affair debate type event. Or not. Air time for that smarmy fat-headed prick Munro shrinks our testicles with loathe. And that's not too strong. We don't dig him.

2. Religious people on why it's evil to masturbate.

SAO PAULO, Sept 27 (Reuters) - Jailhouse rappers in Brazil's Carandiru prison may lose their moments of freedom during gigs out of the joint after two of them failed to return from a weekend concert, officials said on Wednesday.

Absconding Cons Won't Face The Rap...

(Hey? How about that headline! We could pass for journos)

In Brief

•   Obscure countries with more medals than New Zealand asking Australians for sheep jokes.
  

• IOC to withhold official medal tally out of respect to Mrs Samaranch and New Zealand, both of whom are considered to be in hell.
  

LONDON, Sept 28 (Reuters) - A ham sandwich discarded by someone out for a stroll may have caused an outbreak of swine fever in Britain that saw tens of thousands of pigs culled at a cost of million of pounds, newspapers said on Thursday.

Of course it could have...

Tatiana no reason.

JUMPING JAI THE JOKER SMOKER

Sydney, Friday: Aussie long-jumping sensation 'Jumping' Jai Taurima, the pack-a-day, pizza-loving larrikin of the Australian athletics team has said he will take a month off to go surfing.

He also declared himself 'a bit of a wanker'.

"I'm a bit of a wanker," he said.

Jai--extroverted.

Guest Columnists
Rabbit Trapper's Poetic Take on Games...

Pinball Lez's Portugese Rugby Adventures...

Bluey Hedger on Why Larry Corowa Didn't Light the Flame...

Little known sports trivia readers but quite often pole vaulting involves no poles, vaulting or indeed any relationship with sport. The 2003 Nude Games in Amsterdam will also feature nude 110 metre hurdles with no hurdles or metres or 110. Great stuff..

Late News: The English Cricket Board have announced their sadness towards the recent death of Paula Yates. A coaching role had been mooted for Yates as her experience of fucking Aussies and bringing home the ashes would've proved invaluable.

By god we love pole vaulting here at The Skink. It might take over from tennis! Bold statement perhaps but such is the mark made on our sports psyche by this delightful minx from Murminx.

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