Redfern, Friday: Professional boxer and former rugby league player Anthony Mundine has lodged an appeal with the Court of Arbitration for Sport against his non-selection for a place on the Australian Olympic Equestrian Team.

Citing racism, anti-Islamic sentiments and his inability to ride a horse, Mundine poured scorn on the Australian Olympic Committee viewing his omission from the team as "a conspiracy to stop a black man being the world's greatest horse dude."

Houmono, Grant, Dingo also miss out...

Mundine's inability to fly is another source of racial angst for the controversial 24 year old.

This week's...

100 tunes from the Js.

"How I love a man who buys things from dstore.com." --Anna Kournikova

TONY GREIG--COMMENTATING GUN FOR HIRE?

Was there something slightly sinister behind Tony Greig's commentary of the Super Challenge 2000 Series between Australia and South Africa?

Yes, according to media analyst and investigative journalist JP Hetherington, who believes ratings television has turned Greig into a 'commentary whore'.

Check the results of JP's investigation here...

Nintendo--Get more from your TV.

(Times of Zambia, 4/7/00. ) "We are still awaiting the official report from the management of the Zambia International Trade Fair," Commerce Deputy Minister Chibamba told the Parliament in Lusaka, "and it would be wrong for me to act before I receive their judgement. But believe me, we shall establish who are the culprits in this matter, of that there is no doubt. And those who sold us the helium will be brought to justice."

Great News for Zambia...

Is Greigy another South African with an unfortunate love of money? He certainly flogs those 'magnificent additions to your bar, study, or living room' with gusto. How's that one from Adelaide Oval a few  years ago when Greg Blewett was out for 99, and Nine kept cutting to Blewy's girlfriend, and a week later Greig's flogging 'The Wives' momento. Of course that didn't happen but it could have.

Advertise for Adidas. You know it makes sense.

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six. (N64) Lead an elite group of multinationals against the forces of terrorism.

ET STORY LEAKED

Cronulla, Friday: The Andrew Ettingshausen video 'The ET Story' has been leaked to The Skink.

Running for 33 seconds the video features Ettingshausen running fast, being on TV, and selling a video of his life for $29.95.

(Austin Herald, 13/7/00. )
"We find that District Judge H. Lon Harper failed to act in a dignified manner throughout this case," declared the Texas State Commission on Judicial Conduct, after reviewing his handling of a recent capital murder trial. "Not only did he encourage court officials to read newspapers and magazines during the proceedings, and distribute business cards for his private insurance scheme to all witnesses, but he also spent much of the trial repairing two Colt Model 1873 revolvers, a sight which must surely have unnerved the defendant.

Great news for Texas…

Buy this watch and you'll get laid. It will make you cool.

"Work the camera, baby, work it, work it, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, who loves you, baby--The ET Story", on sale at good bookstores now.

This week's...

BEVAN TEASER GETS EARLY GUERNSEY

Melbourne, Monday: With our cricket consciousness aroused early this year, the age-old question of 'Why Michael Bevan can be such a brilliant one-day cricketer but still be unable to cement a place in the Australian Test team' has made an early appearance.

It's twin, the seemingly more straight-forward 'Is he able to handle high quality pace bowling' is also raised it's head and is tipped to make an appearance in the Channel Nine commentary boxes this Summer.

Tony Greig's patented 'Ah, Michael Bevan, just how fawst is he?' has already been uttered 35 times, while another of his signature phrases 'these Australians are brilliant athletes in the field' has already come into our living rooms on 84 occasions.

Media analysts have predicted a long summer.

Haven't got a Sony Playstation? You poor, lifeless creature. A whole world of couch-sitting , drug-taking, pizza-eating awaits!

The Skink editor captained Woden Valley U/15 against Michael Bevan's Weston Creek in season 84/85 or so, on an overcast day at North Curtin Oval, where a sustained short-pitched bowling attack from workhorse paceman Upali Rajapatiparana  (labouring in on concrete, no less) eventally worked out Bevan, caught at deep backward square for 86. Certainly a harbinger of his problems with Gough, Ambrose, Donald, et al.

MALIBU, Calif., Aug. 21 (Reuters) A man who sells carrots to horse owners was sentenced on Monday to four years in prison for sexually assaulting female horses at private California ranches.

Great news for horses...

ATHENS, Aug 21 (Reuters) - A toy virginity-tester was removed from the shelves of Greek shops on Monday after the government banned it out of concern for its psychological effect on children.

Great news for Greece…

Damien Fleming, the least talked about player since Ian Davis opened for WSC Australia.

LOS ANGELES, Aug 23 (Reuters) - A lesbian couple thrown out of Dodger Stadium during a baseball game because they were kissing passionately received a public apology on Wednesday from the Los Angeles Dodgers as well as free tickets for future games.

Great news for lesbians…

Birch Spices Up Games Opening Ceremony

Sydney, Friday: With John Farnham, Olivia Newton-John and Julie Anthony set to dazzle audiences world-wide with their performance at the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony (with Anthony's 'reinvention' of  the national anthem being particularly anticipated)  organiser Ric Birch has decided to complement that trio with 175,000 drag queens.

"Let's face it. It's going to be crap," he said.

Julie Anthony will be re-inventing the anthem at the Opening Ceremony, lord help us.

Tiger Woods' Pet Peeves
10. PGA's pointless insistence I complete all 18 holes before they fork over cash
9. Have to hire three maids for the trophy-polishing alone
8. Only "groupies" are doughy 60-year-old men
7. Always feel like a dork standing in bank line with 6-foot check
6. You show a woman your long iron and she says, "Nice putter"
5. Satan calls at all hours of the night to remind you of the agreement
4. When buying personalized license plate at Disneyland, closest you can get is "Timmy"
3. You play the best game of your life and it's on CBS
2. At press conference, not allowed to admit, "I kicked everyone's ass because I'm much, much better than they are"
1. How would you like to spend all weekend watching golf?

MADRID, Aug 23 (Reuters) - Thieves have stolen the skull of a 14th century Spanish pope from a ruined palace in a remote town in Spain -- and are now reported to be demanding a ransom.

Great news for extortion…

John Farnham, unfortunately won't be living up to his handle 'Whispering Jack.' Instead he'll be living up to his other moniker of 'Pustulous boring cringe crap Jack'.

WARNE LEADERSHIP FLAME REKINDLED

Melbourne, Wednesday: Shane Warne's 11 days out of the media spotlight have  rekindled his desire to captain Australia.

"11 days out of the media spotlight has rekindled my desire to captain Australia," he said.

NEW YORK, Aug 23 (Reuters) - Xxxx Xxxx a xxxx xxxxx from Xxxxx Xxxxx won the $1 million "Survivor" jackpot on Wednesday in a surprise finale to the cult hit that drew millions of Americans to their televisions every week this summer.

Great news for people who want to know if it was the fat gay arsehole...

Actually, I will have fries with that.

This week's...