NRL Round 4 Picked As If By Afghan Reffos
Many years ago some refugees from Afghanistan went to work in an abattoir in Young, NSW, “The Cherry Capital of Australia” where they assimilated with the locals by joining the meatworks tipping comp.
Not knowing anything about rugby league they made their selections by which team’s mascot would beat the other one in a fight. For instance, if the Knights were playing the Bulldogs, then surely the knight would slay the bulldog with his lance. If it was Penrith vs Easts, then the panther would surely savage the rooster. And so on. And they did okay. And good luck to them.
Which brings us inexorably, without a segue, to Round Four of the National Rugby League and you could do worse this week than follow the tips of those Taliban-fleeing sea-faring meat-men.
Eels vs Panthers. Toss of a coin between two of the comp’s lacklustre duds, so we’ll go with Penrith because a panther would savage an eel once it worked out where to bite it. And while Penrith were very poor to let Souths run 42 past them, Parramatta looked worse in their whupping in FNQ. Bottom line is I do not know, so we’ll go with the Reffos and tip Panthers by 2.
Warriors vs Titans. Tough one for the meat-marketeers given a warrior and a titan could definitely have a ding-dong go. What is a titan anyway? A half-arsed demi-god? Whatever, easy tipping here for footy fans given the Gold Coast are a bottom-4 moral and owe more money than Greece. Maybe not Greece. But playing at home it’s Warriors by 14.
Rabbitohs vs Broncos. Souths have finally worked out how to get Greg Inglis involved via the ingenious method of making sure he gets the ball. Watched him last week at Penrith and the gangly big muscle-man ran like Makybe Diva, scything through the Panthers like … a giant man-scythe. That’ll do. But he went super, big G.I. and should be a factor again this week. But Brisbane will win because Souths pack doesn’t have two games in a row in ‘em. History tells us this is Broncos by 8.
Dragons vs Sea Eagles. Match-of-the-round and another that could be tipped via the Afghan reffo mascot mantra – particularly given Manly won’t have T-Rex, S.Matai nor G.Stewart. And lo did the dragon incinerate the chip-squawking sea bird. Dragons by 12.
Cowboys vs Sharks. Going pretty good, the old Sharklets, their captain and prop Paul Gallen would’ve killed them in the olden days when all props had to play 80 minutes, he’d have run through fat props like dietary fibre. But the Cows have come pretty good since their Round 1 monstrosity, and at home should win. But you need an upset per round so we’ll go with the Reffos and say Sharks by 7.
Storm vs Roosters. If the Chooks get within 16 points of Melbourne Storm it’s because Slater and Cronk spent ten minutes in the Sin Bin at the same time, and Cam Smith watched the game at the pub. Storm by 24.
Bulldogs vs Knights. In medi-eval times scholars tell us that a knight would slay a bulldog with his lance then hold its bleeding carcass up to the crowd and take the eye of a maiden who would drop her hankie and the knight would stab it with the lance even with the bulldog still twitching and the maiden would say Why thankee brave sir knight let us drink some meed and muck about in the cot. Knights by 8.
Wests Tigers vs Raiders. All depends on whether Josh Dugan is fit for Canberra and given he’s out for six weeks expect the Tigers to run away with this on the back of B.Marshall extracting his finger and the Tigers’ barnstorming backrow. Too much power, for mine, for my Green Machine, despite their venerated Big Units and a resurgent Terry Campese. Hope I’m wrong. Played golf with a couple of them the other day. Good fellas. But it’s Tigers by 12.
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